Nᴀʀᴜᴋᴀᴍɪ Yᴜ. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
covenantal) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
paradis2016-01-22 06:17 pm
covenantal) wrote in paradis2016-01-22 06:17 pm
your affection, your affection / taking pride from fear
[ It's been a week.
After that first explosive coming together, sparks under their skin, sweat and spit and come and the realization that maybe this was something they could be together after all... nothing. Sure, they'd messed around once more that night, still riding high on aphrodisiacs and the realization that that planet's nights were hours longer than their own circadian rhythms were accustomed to. But once morning had finally risen and they hadn't quite looked at each other as they'd gotten up to use the shower (though that wasn't quite true; Yu had looked at Yosuke not looking at him), they'd simply left the planet and not discussed it since. Or if they had, it had simply been Yosuke laughing that high-pitched nervous laugh of his, saying "What a weird place, huh partner?" and brushing past the topic.
And Yu had started to worry.
He'd known even while they were in the middle of things, even when Yosuke was shouting and moaning and purring his name (moments he thought about a good deal in private the following week), that this was never something Yosuke would have let happen without encouragement. (Encouragement Yu had snuck two bottles of back onto the ship with them. Good lord, but what was happening to him? He'd left money for it, or tried. He was going to hell. Directly to hell.) Yosuke... even if he'd seemed to enjoy it, even if he'd been the one to reach out and get Yu off once his own turn was over... was he okay with what had happened? Had he felt forced into it after all?
The more time that went by, the worse he started to feel. Had he coerced his boyfriend into sex by not deescalating when he had the chance?
After a whole week of silence on the issue, no matter how casual Yosuke tried to act, Yu couldn't take it anymore. He forced his feet to take him to the entrance to the cockpit, where for a long moment he watched his partner's back as Yosuke deftly navigated them through the stars.
Then he took the copilot's seat, a place he took up more and more often, and tilted his head to give Yosuke an unusually serious look. ]
Yosuke. We should talk.
After that first explosive coming together, sparks under their skin, sweat and spit and come and the realization that maybe this was something they could be together after all... nothing. Sure, they'd messed around once more that night, still riding high on aphrodisiacs and the realization that that planet's nights were hours longer than their own circadian rhythms were accustomed to. But once morning had finally risen and they hadn't quite looked at each other as they'd gotten up to use the shower (though that wasn't quite true; Yu had looked at Yosuke not looking at him), they'd simply left the planet and not discussed it since. Or if they had, it had simply been Yosuke laughing that high-pitched nervous laugh of his, saying "What a weird place, huh partner?" and brushing past the topic.
And Yu had started to worry.
He'd known even while they were in the middle of things, even when Yosuke was shouting and moaning and purring his name (moments he thought about a good deal in private the following week), that this was never something Yosuke would have let happen without encouragement. (Encouragement Yu had snuck two bottles of back onto the ship with them. Good lord, but what was happening to him? He'd left money for it, or tried. He was going to hell. Directly to hell.) Yosuke... even if he'd seemed to enjoy it, even if he'd been the one to reach out and get Yu off once his own turn was over... was he okay with what had happened? Had he felt forced into it after all?
The more time that went by, the worse he started to feel. Had he coerced his boyfriend into sex by not deescalating when he had the chance?
After a whole week of silence on the issue, no matter how casual Yosuke tried to act, Yu couldn't take it anymore. He forced his feet to take him to the entrance to the cockpit, where for a long moment he watched his partner's back as Yosuke deftly navigated them through the stars.
Then he took the copilot's seat, a place he took up more and more often, and tilted his head to give Yosuke an unusually serious look. ]
Yosuke. We should talk.
no subject
[A simple fact he can't deny, he'd definitely been influenced heavily by the unknown substance. His thoughts drift back to that night, how awkward he felt, how he'd given in eventually because it was too much for him to stand...]
I don't know, I still don't know how I feel about that whole thing. This is all so new, and I'm still getting used to just calling you my boyfriend.
[He starts to fidget, before finally letting his hands fall into his lap.]
I guess maybe that was just the little bit of courage I needed to try something else. Our whole relationship has kinda been "when desperate times call for desperate measures," after all, heheh.
[He lets that little laugh out, thinking on it himself. From when they met until now- he hadn't really realized how true that statement was.]
no subject
He thinks he might not ever get tired of hearing those words from Yosuke. He looks back, meeting the other's gaze again, his expression inscrutable, but his eyes thoughtful, searching.
What he does, finally, is crack the faintest of smiles. ]
Like rescue from a trash can, [ he murmurs. The event that started it all. But if he really thinks on it, Yosuke's right. So much about their relationship has been built on desperate moments where they had to break through something together. Facing Yosuke's shadow... forming the Investigation Team... Yosuke's breakdown on the floodplain... their fight... and of course, everything that had brought them here. Yosuke's kidnapping, and Yu's own death on a forest floor, preceded by a kiss that had ended up unlocking something neither of them could have imagined would be possible before. Desperate measures. Yeah. Maybe so.
Still. He huffs a breath through his nose, not quite convinced. ]
Yosuke... if I'm being honest, I'm really attracted to you. [ A pause, and he cants his head thoughtfully. ] I think that's been true for a while. ... but I don't want you to think that you have to do anything for me because of that. I'll be happy as long as I'm with you. Believe that, Yosuke. [ His eyes soften. ] So it's alright if you don't know how you feel. You don't have to figure it out right away. And if you decide that's not what you want, that's okay too. I just wanted to make that clear.
[ ... and if he has to somehow surreptitiously dump out those two bottles he stole, that's fine. ]
no subject
Well, I mean...
[He's glad, he's happy that he's being given an out. It's tempting to take it. He could very easily nod and mumble something only to sweep it under the rug for now. But he knows that's not what he wants. He doesn't want an out, Yu means a lot more to him than that. Yosuke knows that now. Looking up, he takes a deep breath and meets his partner's eyes, solidly set with the determination to say what he was feeling, even if he wasn't entirely sure how to say it or what it was.]
Listen. I might not know exactly what to do with this whole...sex thing...and I'm glad that you're okay with this. I...like you a lot too. I mean, I guess I'd have to after all that. [He laughs nervously, his words not coming out quite the way he wanted.]
But, there's one thing I do know. I'm happy-- with this. With us. And I don't think anything's going to change that. For me, this isn't a thing where I noticed you because I thought you were totally hot or something. It was because of who you are to me. You're important, and knowing you had to leave Inaba to go back to Tokyo sorta broke my heart. So...
That's...how I feel. If that makes any sense. I think I just need some more time for the other stuff.