paradis | let our love be a flame not an ember / say it's me that you want to dismember

Yosuke.

[ Yu whispers his name, an echo of the way he said it in the park that day, when he told Yosuke the truth. He keeps holding Yosuke's wrist with one hand, but his other comes up too, gently gripping that same arm. Yu cradles Yosuke's arm in both hands and holds him close like a man afraid of drowning.

I can't take it when you look at me like that.

It's like a lance through his heart, more keenly felt because all he is right now is feeling.

Yosuke keeps talking, and he digs his nails into Yu's cheek. Yu winces slightly, his lips parting in a silent exhalation of pain, but he doesn't try to lower Yosuke's hand. He keeps it, lets it stay, right where it is. ]

Why do you think I thought about it?

[ He does smile now, but it's a small, canny thing. ]

I knew you'd suffer if I told you. But I'd be a liar if I didn't. Above all I was scared to death you'd reject me. Your best friend who's into guys... gross, right? Does that make you gross, too, Yosuke? If you wanted it.

[ Yu's expression has blanked out again now.

I fucking wanted to.

A thrill is running through him, his pulse trilling in his wrists and his throat. I fucking wanted to. It should gross me out, but it doesn't.

It doesn't. ]

We're both pathetic, [ Yu murmurs with a laugh, something that makes his shoulders jump while he curls his fingers more tightly around Yosuke's arm. ] Who gets this obsessed with their best friend...?

[ He wants.

Yu pulls on Yosuke's arm, tugging his best friend forward while simultaneously leaning in. He gets close, very close, his face inches from Yosuke's, but he doesn't try to connect. Just stares with half-lidded eyes and lets his lips part oh so slightly. ]

Yosuke... I want to kiss you again, even though I shouldn't. Maybe that would prove to you it's not disgusting like you think it is. Maybe then you'd want me.

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[ Obsessed. It rings so true in his bones that he can't even think of a snarky refute. As Yu pulls him closer, he doesn't resist, running the word over and over in his head. He is obsessed, isn't he? As soon as Yu enters a room, that's where his attention goes without question. He thinks about Yu when he's there, he thinks about Yu when he's gone.

How can he ignore Yu now?

They're close, they're so fucking close. He can feel Yu's breath on his lips, the heat of Yu's skin just inches away from his own. It makes his heart race and think impossible things. Golden eyes soften, warm, curious. Nervous. Yu may feel his pulse quicken, his breathing a little uneven. ]

...I-It freaks me out when you say that, man. But...I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it ever since you told me. [ His laugh is uneasy, his lips ghosting over Yu's as he speaks. Did he move in closer? It feels like it. ] ...It freaks me out 'cause I'm afraid I might like it.

[ Shadow Yu's eyes lid until only sliver of gold is still visible. His breathing becomes uneven the closer Yosuke gets to him, and once Yosuke's mouth ghosts over his, Yu lets out a sigh, opening his mouth.

But he doesn't speak, or press his lips to Yosuke's. Not yet. ]

... and I'm afraid you won't. Yosuke... I want to show you. What it's like...

[ His voice has dropped into a low murmur. His eyes glance down purposefully, then up to meet Yosuke's gaze--

And then, abruptly, he leans in. The movement is sudden, but the kiss is achingly gentle, cautious, scared, but somehow still insistent. He holds his breath for the first few seconds, pure emotion electrifying his blood from the point where their lips meet. The intensity of the feelings that come with kissing Yosuke are almost enough to overwhelm him. It makes him lean in just a little more, as if he's physically relying on Yosuke to hold him up.

Yosuke. Yosuke. He's kissing Yosuke.

That's when he stops holding his breath, letting it all out in a sudden, heavy sigh through his nose that Yosuke will be able to feel on his skin. ]

[ What's worse, if he likes it or if he doesn't? He's actually not sure. Yosuke, in any state, knows that the answer should be easy, but it isn't. It just isn't. He can't think straight when he can almost taste Yu, when his heat keeps pulling him forward. How can he thinks about anything else?

Yosuke doesn't shy away from Yu's gaze. Does his Shadow have it in him to blush? Not quite. Not yet.

And then their lips meet. It's soft, yet there's still a shock. He sucks in a sharp breath through his nose. The moment lasts forever and then not long enough at the same time. He isn't sure what he should be expecting, but Yu's lips are...soft. Yes. They're surprisingly soft. There's no lip gloss like he'd always imagined, but something a little simpler. He can't name it. But he wants to.

Yu pulls back, Yosuke feels his breath. It makes him shiver.

He doesn't realize he's leaning forward, but he is. Their lips meet again, quick and testing. Did he really just do that? Yes, yes he did. That must be why he's doing it again. Just to test...

Right? ]

[ He wasn't prepared for Yosuke to initiate.

Really, he was ready for Yosuke to pull away from him. That even this, his Shadow, would feel some measure of revulsion too strongly to want to continue. He'd been ready for the kiss to end - that is, prepared for it to end, even if everything he was right now (all his darkest needs, his primal needs) wanted to keep going. He thought breaking away even for a moment would be the end of his little demonstration.

So when Yosuke leans in again, is the one to press their lips together, it feels as if every single muscle Yu's got in him pulls taut all at once, painful and tense. He doesn't move, and almost forgets to breathe again.

Yosuke kissed him.

I fucking wanted it.

Shadow Yu makes a sound, a soft, gasping, wanting sound, but only through his nose. His mouth he keeps busy with kissing back.

Normal Yu wouldn't go this far on their first kiss. Of course, normal Yu wouldn't have kissed him at all. So the Shadow does what the Shadow wants, which is to part his lips, use a little bit of tongue, trying to encourage Yosuke to open his mouth and deepen the kiss.

He wants so many things. He wants this boy so much. ]

[ Shadow Yosuke could say that he isn't sure what he wants, but that's not entirely true, is it? Yosuke is wrapped in confusion, in his self-image and societal standards. Yosuke is awkward and overly eager to please, to have someone like him and to not fuck it up. Yosuke is so determined to be one way that he can't possibly consider anything else. His Shadow, however, is burdened with the truth.

It's a terrifying and wonderful place to be.

His Shadow knows that, no, for as deep as friendships go, there is something lurking under the surface, something that creeps closer and closer by the day. Something that would shake Yosuke to the core. Something that Yosuke is aware of, but turns a blind eye. It's too much.

His Shadow is nervous, but not blind. Echoing Yosuke's fear, yes, but so ready to give in.

His lips tingle with the contact and the huff of air that graces his face when Yu makes that sound. His heart skips a beat and somewhere at the core of his being, where he and Yosuke can only agree for a moment that, yeah, this is good. This is really good. He'll allow Yosuke to freak out appropriately later, but for the moment, he'll do them both a favor and relieve a moment that they can't remember.

There's a delay, like he's figuring out what Yu's trying to do, but his own lips part in invitation to his friend. His partner. Yu. One hand moves away from Yu's to grip his shoulder, thumb pressing into his collarbone. ]

[ Yu would remember they're in public, on a random street, where anyone can see them. Yu would remember that one of the most important things to Yosuke is his image. There's less cause for concern here - he's not the Junes boy now, just Yosuke - but Yu would suspect that old habits die hard.

It's not that Shadow Yu doesn't remember. It's just that he can't stop.

He is the Shadow.

The true self.

And Yu cares about Yosuke more than anything. In a way that, at the moment, means he's positively overloaded with Yosuke's heat and nearness and taste. He might die if he stopped kissing his best friend right now. His emotional short circuiting over this kiss, the slide of their lips, the soft wet sounds their mouths make together, is overriding all else.

Besides. Shadows aren't known for their thoughtfulness and altruism, no matter who they belong to.

So he takes the opportunity offered to him and presses in, his tongue slipping into Yosuke's mouth. It's a little tentative, but no less needy than anything else he does. His mouth tastes like whatever he had for lunch and soda and something that Yu can't name, and he knows it for what it is: a taste entirely unique to Yosuke. The realization makes him lightheaded with desire. Not sexual desire, not really, (not yet). Just an overpowering want for this person, this amazing, wonderful person. It feels like his chest might collapse and implode over the intensity of his need for Yosuke.

Yu lifts one of his hands, letting his fingers touch and stroke Yosuke's neck before they slide into the hair at his nape. Cupping Yosuke's head gives him more leverage, lets him tilt his head at the perfect angle to make this kiss as deep and satisfying as he needs it to be.

It's good. This, what they're doing -- it's a little too good. ]

let our love be a flame not an ember / say it's me that you want to dismember

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